open door, walk in
jesus
fucking shaking
shaky; can barely think,
so awkward
she's coming over
"hi"
logical brain:
look her in the eyes
fuck
stop shaking
look down
fidget
fuck! stop fidgeting
she's waiting, expectantly
"ummm..."
logical brain:
look her in the eyes
play with hair
look down at feet
look around room
fuck
STOP
she's staring at you
logical brain:
look her in the eyes
make eye contact
"Can I get the portobello on focaccia?"
silence
stop being so awkward
take out wallet
hand her money
silence
logical brain:
fill silence
"So did you have a good holiday?"
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
don't start conversation with her
"Oh cool, you're from Michigan? What do you miss most, the cold or the people? heh"
WHAT THE FUCK
JESUS
FUCKING A
what am i doing?
"Oh sailing, didn't know it was big out there. heh. Like, what, on the Great Lakes or something? ha ha"
ABORT ABORT
"Oh no way, cool, I guess that makes sense since those lakes seem so big. Well guess you can still do that here with all that water that surrounds us! ha ha"
stop
just walk away
stop shaking
"Okay, well have a good day"
yes go now never look back
"bye"
jesus
fucking shaking
sit and write this down
what is wrong today
