Thursday, March 31, 2011


hey did y'all know i'm a lifeguard? ya, i am. do you think it would be interesting to read about my experiences as a lifeguard? i've saved many people (140+). i've given cpr and dove for dead bodies.

i'm going to post an image macro of me at work in a minute. let me know if it's funny or not.

Monday, March 21, 2011

guerilla poetry

today i went with my roommate to check out the "thunderbolt" and iphone 4 at verizon wireless.
while he shopped, i went around the store inputting short poems into the notes section [of the iphones] and saving copies to the phone as photos.  i also wrote some poems as open text messages [on other phones].
unfortunately, i only emailed one of the poems to myself from the store, seen above. the others are gifts to the brains of the consumers, created quickly by me and then just as quickly forgotten.

the poem on the phone next to the one pictured was about the inevitability of suffering and detachment from the material world. another adjacent poem was about wanting to be held and touched softly by a lover. 

upon a 2nd sweep around the store after ~15 minutes it was found that someone had deleted this poem.
i hope that these short lil poems awoke something within the unsuspecting shoppers, perhaps made them think, even if it were for a minute - especially if it angered or bothered them.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

corny, weird, fun

there was once a boy who looked up to the clouds
he had been told his whole life to stop being so loud!
he wrastled and wrestled and messled and hassled
and lassoed and passled and flassled and sassled.

he grew tired of the constant day to day grind
the "sit in your chair and don't open your mind"
every day it was the same, "sit in your chair"
"make sure to shower and comb up your hair"

one day he woke up and decided on change
he looked out the window and considered the range
he closed his eyes tight and dreamt up a loud dream
of sea-colored flying wings and and eyes of laser beams

now it was off to the window with his new found flight
for never had the world ever felt so light
out through the window and up into the sky
soaring with the chocolate clouds on high

the people around him felt an inspiration grow
from deep within them it became a strong flow
they too closed their eyes and sprouted their feathers
and flew into the spring air, scented of heather

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

is this poetry?

narcissism is a hard word to spell.

Monday, March 14, 2011


with every last ounce of liquid lapped up
there's a feeling of content
memories concealed, the future forgotten
say yes to everything

for a day you are freed
the burden of thought can sure weigh heavy
glad you checked that overactive mind at the door
don't regret anything

run home drunk in the clandestine darkness
don't feel used up and lost
today you say yes to everything
tomorrow you'll remember the ones you loved

Thursday, March 10, 2011


if i could tell you everything i felt

if you were to die tomorrow
injected with poisons and tortured -
poisons that heightened your senses, your ability to feel
poisons that intensified your pain -
you would die a death of a million sensations.
slow and agonizing
a build up to so powerful, so strong
each pain built upon the next, intensifying by the minute
peaking at a point you thought could not exist
but then going even higher
you might be begging for death, begging for release
every muscle spasming, face contorted
cold sweats, fiery fevers, skin prickling
every speck of dust that lands on your skin like a needle pricking your side
from the back of the knees to behind your ears
from right underneath your nose to in between your toes
from the choking sensation in your lungs to the dull throb in your liver
to the burning sensation on your anus and the rashy itchiness of your skull
the final centimeters of your once beautiful outer shell will be consumed in sensitivity, in pain
your every wish would be for death's arrival to wash over you like an orgasm

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


sweet i'm fasting/sweet i'm drinking hot water and mint leaves
After a conversation with my mother on Monday, I decided to fast today. I wanted to do it 'just because' and to maybe experience what it feels like to 'actually' be hungry. Since starting last night at 9pm this experience has evolved into something quite different.

It's been an interesting 24 hours at this point and I feel like I can go longer. I know that a lot of people willingly fast on the regs, but this was my first time ever going an entire day without eating, and I am finding it tougher than I ever imagined. I'm a 145 pound fast metabolism athlete kinda guy. I eat a lot, normally.


I have a clarity of mind that I did not expect. I feel as if I have a heightened awareness of 'things' and a calm/peace about me that I don't normally experience. At one point this afternoon I was struck with a wave of euphoria and lol'd uncontrollably at work. At other points I was struck with thoughts of belief in a higher power in the context of suffering. Towit, the necessity of belief in something outside of your own self to push through situations in which a human being is made to suffer - even when that suffering is done willingly (eg Ghandi fasting for 2 weeks/I feel like Viktor Frankl would be an interesting study here). They all believed in some thing outside of their self. I'm thinking of other historical examples and coming up empty. Please comment if you can think of examples. I am 'merely' pulling on my own knowledge and experience.

It should be re-noted that I came into this fasting experience on a whim and with no preconceived notions.

Waking up/breakfast was really tough. My stomach was rumbling and my brain was begging for food. I denied them both. I reached something of a plateau around midday, but hunger pangs started coming in waves, maybe 1x per hour. these caused my internal dialogue to go from thoughtful reflection on...everything... to "you can end this now, just a spoonful of peanut butter, just a banana, just a bowl of noodles, you can end this, what's the fucking point, eat, just eat." The day became an internal battle and an almost spiritual journey. The absence of eating has led me to realize how much I eat out of boredom and habit, my day is planned around my grazing. I had to find other things to do with my time to not think about eating. Furthermore, fasting has brought self-control and temperance under the microscope of critical evaluation, especially in regards to alcohol and sex. Again, the internal dialogue: "What's the fucking point vs look at the immense value it [temperance] holds."

It's 10:36 pm, I'm unsure if i'll break the fast tomorrow morning, maybe i'll see how this goes. I'm still fucking hungry, but the thought processes/mind set that I am experiencing is a curious thing indeed, and the lucid state of awareness that I experienced earlier today is something I want to continue to investigate.

Then again, my roommates have been cooking food off and on since 7:00 and it smells so good...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

this is copy and pasted from my tumblr page:

the strength and pain of being young: some things i will never understand
-why the dishes sit in the sink for days on end, especially when the dishwasher is 2 inches away
-why the brita is only filled half of the time
-why smart boys like dumb girls
-why smart girls like dumb boys
-why sad music makes up 90% of my top 25 played songs on itunes
-how people can eat food made in a dirty kitchen
-why it feels infinitely better to write in a moleskin journal instead of on regular paper… hahaha.. yeah. i said it. tool
-unrequited love
-tao lin
-neutral milk hotel obsessors
-radical religions based on hate
-middle school
-growing up 
-a full sink of dishes is really annoying. your roomies must really be awful. i don’t like them whoever they are. if i ever meet them i will give them a piece of my mind. i will cut open my skull i will slice off a piece of my brain and i will give them my prefrontal cortex. i will rage incoherently and indiscriminately against everything and everyone and be irrationally angry because i no longer have a prefrontal cortex. this is how i will give them a piece of my mind. this is my plan.
-the brita is probably half full because only so much water can fit in the top of the brita at a time. halfway might even mean that the filler filled the top part 2x which means they made twice the effort.
-smart boys only like dumb girls when they are not actually smart. they are probably just masquerading as smart. liking the right music, reading the right books, wearing the right clothes, talking about the right things, and stuff. they do a good job of seeming smart and being cool because that’s what they’ve devoted themselves to for now. or they’re just young and attracted to good fuck sex more than a good mind sex. i think enjoying a good mind sex takes some growing up to be able to enjoy. or, actually, maybe, perhaps they were even fooled by the dumb person, maybe they are smart and they have been deceived by a smart girl who is actually dumb but reads the right books, listens to the right music, etc. but i’d say let the seemingly smart boys who like dumb girls be just that, you are better off without them maybe i think. we all need to have our heart broken once, let them have their chance.
-math maybe you will never understand i will give you that.
-if anyone claims to understand life they should get penis tickled in the ear and and maybe sent to an island to live alone until they don’t understand life anymore in which case they are safe to come back to society.
-see “why smart boys like dumb girls” and change words from “smart boys like dumb girls” to “smart girls like dumb boys.”
-sad music is really good a lot of the time and it is also the end of winter and if i were to do a study i would say that people in general listen to ~78% more sadness musicals in winter months which is certainly significant so it is probably true.
-i think people can eat food made in a dirty kitchen because they aren’t getting their food dirty while making it. i don’t actually know this, i’m just making an assumption. 
-i think you are justified in thinking it feels “infinitely better” to write in a moleskin journal, i think if you look inside yourself you will understand why this is so. i think that you will understand it if you believe in yourself. i believe in you.
-unrequited love sucks. i think it is a valuable human experience to have, but it sucks when it is happening. it is tough to understand. i understand why you put it on this list. but before you call it unrequited you should find out exactly how the other person feels, ask them to be honest with you. then you will understand it better. i think rejection is better than not knowing or being led on. i think not knowing is painful and torturous. find out. and if it’s because they don’t love you back, well, then you will understand. there are many complicated other reasons why they may not reciprocate, and that sucks. good luck. yes, good luck.
-tao lin is an author who writes books and poetry and blogs for thought catalog. he writes in a neutral tone that seems almost disinterested and heartless and uses so-called ‘scare quotes’ to distance himself from words that seem rote and cliche. by doing this he raises a level of self-awareness that other authors don’t seem to have. i have found his writing to be absolutely hilarious situationally and extremely insightful. he is skilled at getting into human emotion i think. i have never read a more polarizing author than tao lin. i love tao lin, my sister hates him. my mom enjoyed tao lin and my sister hated tao lin. you may never understand tao lin, and that is okay. tao lin is probably not offended, but i don’t know.
-neutral milk hotel obsessors are sort of like ‘cheese heads’. you know, those people that follow the string cheese incident around the world. they don’t know how to move forward and get into other music. i think neutral milk hotel is a good band, and they made good music. but maybe the way you like gaga and the way steve roggenbuck likes justin bieberz and someone’s mom likes U2 is the way other people like neutral milk hotel. it’s just what they are into. they have decided that neutral milk hotel is an important part of their personal brand for one reason or another. maybe they have great memories from that music. maybe they think the music is the epitome of good indie jams. maybe they just want to believe in something to keep existing.
-radical religions based on hate are tough to understand, but not something you should never understand. i think if hate exists in a very strong manner amongst a community, and the hate is able to be directed towards something the hate can become a unifying force. the people will rally behind the hate and hate the thing that they hate. maybe the thing they hate caused them to become poor, killed their relatives accidentally with bombs,  or caused a person to become leader of their country by supporting them and training them/supplying them with weapons. maybe they’re life really sucks as a result of someone else and they are consumed by hate so they’ve decided to just hate as their way of life. this is a really shitty way to live. i want to connect with these people. i want to show them love. i want them to know that they are loved and not everyone in the world wants to kill their children and make them poor. religion pairs well with hate just as it pairs well with love. religion poorly understand is based in hate and fear and religion properly understood is based in love and acceptance.
-brainwashing is wild. it is really quite fascinating. it’s like peer pressure on a grand scheme. i don’t think i’m going to explain it. here is a link to wikipedia so you can understand brainwashing better.
-middle school is awkward. middle school is weird. i looked like more of a douche bag than i look like now in middle school. but middle school exists for more than just housing all the really fucked up and weird looking soon-to-be-teens safely and in one location so they can’t scare real people in the real world. middle school exists for learning. middle school exists for education. it is the school you go to between elementary school and high school. it crushes your happy view of the world and prepares you for high school, all while you go from a child to a really fucked up looking tweener, so it is good for becoming self-aware and self-loathing too. it is in this stage a lot of alts become pre-mo, which is the stage before emo in high school. it is also the stage where the cool kids from high school will start to really get cool. the early blooming males will get tug jobs from the hot girls and the hot girls that turn into sluts in high school will get fingerblasted MAYBE by the early blooming males. this is middle school. this is how it works.
-growing up is really neat. i like it so far. there’s nothing really to understand. it just happens. the time in this reality we have constructed/exist in is linear. it goes from point a to point b infinitely or until it ends. as we exist somewhere spatially, we also exist somewhere between point a and b. the line goes continuously from a->b and so the future is constantly being ‘actualized’ or like, made into the present. every second. like now. this just became the present and then the past. it is a continuous thing. as this happens we age. as we age we grow up. now, that was sort of a practical definition. you might have referred to growing up as a cliche, or maybe even physically, like going through puberty and then getting old. these are all rooted in time though. the whole a->b thing i just mentioned right there. but like, if you are referring to how some people when they graduate college and become assholes and get jobs and turn 25 or 30 and really become assholes, well, i think that has to do with becoming content, selling out to a reality that isn’t necessarily ‘the only way’ (making money, getting married, raising kids, getting a house in the suburbs, retiring, moving to florida), losing a sense of imagination and wonder about the world, and maybe some other things. but, maybe those people were assholes all along. let growing up be what it is, to you. don’t believe what people say about ‘growing up’. there is no rule book that wasn’t created by someone who had opinions about what it is to grow up. you can grow up and still be yourself. don’t panic. you already are grown up. believe in yourself. remember, i believe in you.
in closing, i think this post had a lot of meaning to you.  i hope you realize i don’t have any wisdom, i just have a few opinions and thoughts. i wanted to share these opinions and thoughts with you because it is sunday and on sundays i share my opinions and thoughts with people. i want to leave you with one more thing that may help you to understand more things about being a human. i guess maybe we are all humans. if you look hard enough into any human and open yourself up enough you can make some type of connection, on some type of level. so like, you can understand human actions even if they bother you if you open yourself up like an oyster in the bay in the summer but not before an oystercatcher stabs the fuck out of you and eats you because that sucks so hard. don’t open yourself up too much, in other words, because then you risk getting hurt all the time. but look inside yourself to understand the human condition. and open yourself up to those who deserve your beautiful self.
and remember i believe in you.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

also seen at my neat lil tumblr

i've been observing a lot of interesting humans and things on the internet over the past few months. of them steve roggenbuck's downloadhelveticaforfree project has amused me immensely. it's also sort of rubbed off on me/inspired me in that i am really enjoying transposing text over images. i find it absolutely hilarious and also evocative and thought provoking with the right juxtaposition. the person who calls her self frank hinton has also been on my radar as of late, as well as much of the online indie lit scene peoples. between the writers i have been observing, the 10,000 memes i'm exposed to on a daily basis, the traditional poets i've been reading, and my enjoyment of creative expression i feel as if this could be fun:

i've been toying around with simple photos i've taken (or in some cases not taken) and overlaying text over them. these are, as my poetry is, self-reflective in nature. i enjoy writing about all sorts of things, and 95% of my writing resides on my hard drive and in my journals. odd how that works out. i find that self-reflection is my most inspired form of expression, so hopefully that explains the use of my own face for most of these pictures. i'm really not a dick or asshole or narcissist. some of these actually seem self-loathing when i read them. think of this as a comic strip, and instead of creating a character i am the character. i'm literally making fun of/with myself. anywho, we'll see how many i post. i've been having a lot of fun with these  and have a stack of 300 photos from a photo shoot in the fall.

i hope these are found to be an enjoyable and maybe humorous viewing sensation for people. it will be an interesting and amusing outlet for self-expression for me so maybe i don't really care that much how i am perceived because i'm having fun ^-^

yo brain hey thoughts yo brain

as if high on caffeine they race
through my brain
sometimes meeting other thoughts
and sitting down for tea
they have so much energy
they keep running and rocking
and rolling and riding
the tea was not chamomile
my thoughts drank black tea
and are hyper in this brain
this brain, this brain, this brain is really a unique brain
as all brains are unique brains
this brain is having thoughts!
yo thoughts