fasting

sweet i'm fasting/sweet i'm drinking hot water and mint leaves

After a conversation with my mother on Monday, I decided to fast today. I wanted to do it 'just because' and to maybe experience what it feels like to 'actually' be hungry. Since starting last night at 9pm this experience has evolved into something quite different.


It's been an interesting 24 hours at this point and I feel like I can go longer. I know that a lot of people willingly fast on the regs, but this was my first time ever going an entire day without eating, and I am finding it tougher than I ever imagined. I'm a 145 pound fast metabolism athlete kinda guy. I eat a lot, normally.

But...

I have a clarity of mind that I did not expect. I feel as if I have a heightened awareness of 'things' and a calm/peace about me that I don't normally experience. At one point this afternoon I was struck with a wave of euphoria and lol'd uncontrollably at work. At other points I was struck with thoughts of belief in a higher power in the context of suffering. Towit, the necessity of belief in something outside of your own self to push through situations in which a human being is made to suffer - even when that suffering is done willingly (eg Ghandi fasting for 2 weeks/I feel like Viktor Frankl would be an interesting study here). They all believed in some thing outside of their self. I'm thinking of other historical examples and coming up empty. Please comment if you can think of examples. I am 'merely' pulling on my own knowledge and experience.

It should be re-noted that I came into this fasting experience on a whim and with no preconceived notions.

Waking up/breakfast was really tough. My stomach was rumbling and my brain was begging for food. I denied them both. I reached something of a plateau around midday, but hunger pangs started coming in waves, maybe 1x per hour. these caused my internal dialogue to go from thoughtful reflection on...everything... to "you can end this now, just a spoonful of peanut butter, just a banana, just a bowl of noodles, you can end this, what's the fucking point, eat, just eat." The day became an internal battle and an almost spiritual journey. The absence of eating has led me to realize how much I eat out of boredom and habit, my day is planned around my grazing. I had to find other things to do with my time to not think about eating. Furthermore, fasting has brought self-control and temperance under the microscope of critical evaluation, especially in regards to alcohol and sex. Again, the internal dialogue: "What's the fucking point vs look at the immense value it [temperance] holds."

It's 10:36 pm, I'm unsure if i'll break the fast tomorrow morning, maybe i'll see how this goes. I'm still fucking hungry, but the thought processes/mind set that I am experiencing is a curious thing indeed, and the lucid state of awareness that I experienced earlier today is something I want to continue to investigate.

Then again, my roommates have been cooking food off and on since 7:00 and it smells so good...