Thursday, April 28, 2011


twitpic flarf/image macros from and

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"people would give us money"
"we are adorable"

travel the world
beggars with nice things

stop to pick up a penny
be humbled by your fashion sense

i'm naked
ask for money naked

let people stare at my body
feel normal

Friday, April 15, 2011

thoughts, in moments so holy, of no-thing and no-one, but of every-thing and every-one or franny

this fractured life.
i see you and wish you the way you were-
what happened to you?
i liked you back then;
your awkwardness, the way you didn't quite fit in
we had an affinity for each other -
a commonness in our plights,
a meeting place in our disdain.
when you would put on your music and mope
i would become concerned,
you would become distant.
we were weird, all of us.
what did you accept?
how have you changed? settled?
content with your-self
you're too busy for me now
it's inescapable, this thought, the one that never fades:
you're better than me.

the daffodils have come, the tulips are blossoming.
the fragrant blossoms of flowering trees imitate the winter snow.
they settle around me, on my head, in my lap, 
the breeze wraps around my skin as it gently sweeps the petals away.
the bees are busy dancing in joy, chasing one another, 
hanging for a moment in unison, then separating.
my skin tingles from the sun's warmth - the warmth of the kitchen after a trouncing in the winter frost.
my eyes stare fixedly at nothing, though i see everything -
the billowing white clouds floating through the brilliant blue sky,
smoke rings that we blew out of hookahs in some summer gone.
a jet with contrails of grey fades from view and brings me back to the gritty.
it brings me back to the focus of my consciousness and out of this world,
do you hear me anymore? do you even listen when i speak?
or do you only disapprove?
i breathe heavily, let out a sigh.

am i the one who's changed?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Lifeguarding part 1

Let me start this off by saying I love people. But after a while, they annoy the fuck out of me. I enjoy human interaction. I enjoy meeting and experiencing new people. But when you are responsible for their safety, they start to present themselves as stupid and annoying. The same questions are repetitively and endlessly asked. The same people you answer questions to end up needing saved later. They ask you where rip currents are located, then they go and swim right next to them. They inevitably end up back in your care after ~10 minutes, but this time clutching with all their might to your buoy while you backstroke in yourself+their deadweight and try to lighten the mood because they are aware they just about drowned.

There are a lot of misconceptions about being a lifeguard. Officially I am a "surf rescue technician" on the Ocean City Beach Patrol. This means nothing to anyone who isn't also on a beach patrol. What the general public thinks of when they hear "lifeguard" is: chill-ass job bronzing in the sun and picking up girls. There are also some sweet stereotypes that are, really, mostly true. Eg: frat bro down for the summer, surfer bro, a bro in general. I am a rare exception. Somehow i'm a somewhat self-aware philosophy bro who enjoys, well, everything in life and has a strong sense of childlike wonder about things.

I digress, back to misconceptions. In actuality surf rescue is a high-stress job in which you are responsible for hundreds/thousands of people at any given time for x blocks north and x blocks south of your tower. And it's not just the water, it's the beach. You are responsible for that area where people have strokes, heart attacks, umbrellas impaled through them, pipe bombs, heat exhaustion, and other emergencies.

And the ocean. It isn't a pool. Nor is it a lake. It is the ocean. The ocean is not a consistently calm and predictable entity. It is dynamic and changing, driven by the changing weather. There are also things that exist called sea life and they play in the ocean too. They are mostly pretty chill given the circumstances (thousands of people peeing/spitting/pooping/spitting/dominating their near-shore chill zones for 4 months every year), but sometimes they get unhappy or decide to play a joke on people. People don't like jokes nor do they like sea life because they don't like that they are paying to be at the beach and in the ocean and the sea life gets to chill for free. It just isn't fair. Most people get revenge by eating the larger fish and the crabs that they hate to swim around and step on at night.

So ya, the ocean isn't like a lake or a pool. It has a bottom made of sand (at least here, in Maryland). Sand shifts very easily. Waves are wind energy transferred into the water. The harder the wind blows and the longer the distance it blows over the more powerful and larger the waves. Once the wind energy becomes wave energy it is known as 'swell'. Most vacationers in the summer don't get to see hurricane swell or even any significant swell at all because summer tends to have long flat spells (small waves) via not a lot of active weather. Big waves come from big storms (low pressure, you know, those things that give us widespread snow and rain and wind) and not so much from small storms (thunderstorms in the summer are isolated events, they are from localized imbalances, not widespread at all). Where am i going with this? K. here we go: Waves are energy, simply traveling through the ocean as their medium. Energy. Pure energy. They travel until they interact with something that causes them to disperse their energy. Cue sandbars. Energy comes in, feels itself against the ocean floor, and the top of the wave topples. The energy is directed at the sandbar and is dispersed across it as the sand particles absorb and scatter. This process occurs endlessly.

Occasionally a sandbar will collapse and form an underground trench. As waves come in and suck back out the water takes the path of least resistance out. Since water will flow through the lowest lying area first they suck back out through this trench, widening it. We now have an underground river forming, aka a rip current. This is what people get stuck in and usually drown if they don't know what to do/panic when we are off duty. 

Friday, April 1, 2011


helvetica download

steve roggenbuck, genius behind, shipped his book out to me a few weeks ago. review forthcoming. for now i just wanna say this:

helvetica download