Phoenix

 If it all falls apart

with each delicately tucked braid

Unraveling itself

 wildness will come

Ours is the fear of disappearing comfort and security

That disappeared long ago 

Ours is instability 

Walking across a stream on a wet log 

System upon system woven together in an unsustainable web

Each one propped up by the prior injustice

It will all unravel 

When it all burns to the ground

It will be scary 

Ours is the fear

Ours is the hope

In the bleakness of destruction

In the emptiness 

The conditions for new life abound

We seek harmony

i dreamt about you again
all night long
intimately
we never fully gave in
but it felt good
to sleep next to you
last night
since
i dreamt about you again

2/26/2010

i'm in love with you

um, i think i'm in love with you
wtf
i'm in love with you?
it's impossible but i feel things
that don't go away
obsession? infatuation?
idk
idgi
i've thought about it forever
and after forever i forgot
then i saw you and i thought about it forever
so the cycle goes
for every moment of happiness
there's two weeks of emotional instability
and longing
there's an eternity of not knowing
for every minute of assuredness

and forever lasts a little longer than the time i'm awake
but i stay awake to live my dreams
because they involve you
and the real thing is better than waking up alone
again

anyways

love poems are overplayed
and cliche
and rote
and they've been done every which way
perhaps this is plain language
the absence of hyperbole
the opposite of a love poem
but it's about being in love
because i don't know what to call it
when i think about you for years
or forever
and then meet you on that day after forever
where we lay down entwined, complete
then wake and time-travel

it was the other night when forever
was about to end
that i held you closer than i ever thought
i wish we could trade emotions
like a shirt
so you could see how i fit
and save me explanations
you hate when you feel like this for a person
but it gets better every time
and practice makes perfect
so let's go pro

6/12/2011

two cowards in love

a story of 2 cowards in love

twitter screen shots

facebook status updates

blog posts saved as drafts

4-11-2011

i have never gazed into another human's eyes the way i drowned in yours
i have never drank so deeply of another's essence, never quivered to the point of ache that one would look back into me
i have never, ever, felt such relief and love and joy and sadness and sorrow and ecstasy as when you silently kissed my curling lips
i have never relived a moment so many times in so many ways with so much emotion
i have never loved so much for so long and so cowardly
i have never wanted anyone more

12/17/2013

we search at length for a camp site. we have known it.  all our lives. 

in this moment, 10 years later, we could not find it. 

we found it. we found the trail. home is truly this place. it was our collective home. and remains. the home of my childhood, the structure of happiness in my mind. this place where we all exist together harmoniously. 2014? camping

The lines

I frown most of the day Face dead Brow furrowed Sitting alone in silence A keyboard warrior I long for more I long for freedom With choices comes commitment with commitment comes dedication my world has shrunk even as my universe has grown time is speeding up the choice is always live, and be living. or die

4/14/2011

sun, shine on this lunar rock
warm it with your light
concentrate your rays until it beams a heavenly white

moon, reflect your glow on the earth
blanket the dark of night
with shadows of brilliance

love, meet my eyes in an infinite gaze
become the moon and sun on earth
take me with you when you blink
_________________________________________

have you seen the moon tonight?

could you see the way in which it illuminated

her face?

as that rock drifts by

the chalky gray outline of our bodiess

bluish
the color of your You when you fall asleep
cool and smiling

i peered into your dream
replacing the fires with a calm yellow
your face broke
and you came to me

our dreams combined
and my arm surrounded you
in a soft purple glow

9/7/2011

sat and listened for a while. absorbed the grand tragedy that was her early life. took it in. head expanding, head pounding, but nothing to what she had lived.

grasp for words of comfort, solace. memories selfishly flit by. distractions.

eyes locked. swirling irises channel.

2014

my life is changing
maybe this is growing up
from now on
i am unapologetically me

"might as well be me
might as well be me"

12/17/14

take full control
and responsibility
for your life and your situation

you are a beautiful soul, shining bright
your spirit is alive
you are thriving
you have come alive
the world needs you to come alive
and your rebirth, your awakening as an emotional and spiritual being
it is happening.

savor it.
12/17/14

i exist in multitudes
i dream in patterns
the rhythm from within is a harmony

the sound of every drum
frames this universe

open your vibration
light carves into the void

sound creates heaven
the architects of new worlds

tonight is our night
build and delight

the stranger

run with purpose
through the dark woods
sickly hot sticky sweat
salty mouth, salty skin, burning eyes
you're covered in your own nauseating musk
and you love it

an owl's cry echoes off the forest floor and back into the sky
stop, search, locate
eyes narrowing to slits
the owl flies overhead, illuminated in dusk's grey haze

continue on, into the night, deeper
the stone and dirt beckon you onward
the canopy a gate to be entered
the creek a playground for your wild spirit

at last,
the arrival to your holy place
many rocks collected and laid bare on your stone
this sanctuary has been visited
worship has occurred

meditate on your strength for a moment
you are a survivor
you have come so far
brave, strong, enduring

pick up the pieces,
a foundation, larger stones after larger stones
build a cairn to the stranger
who follows next

some of the saddest words ever uttered

notes

the words arranged on this paper cause me to imagine

i am in a headspace divorced from this time and this moment
i have traveled to your moment, imaginary and real
i recreate every letter that was born into existence by the flick of your pen

your hand did dance over this tree reformed
it's a wonder-full and complicated story
how do i come to know this piece of your mind
what made me so special
am i special at all

strange, these inanimate things, these objects
they carry so much meaning when touched by shapes we have agreed to understand
this communication that captures your emotions
your emotions for me
a whisper to my eye
a secret born in sense

an object charged with the electrical impulse of your brain
fuck, god, FUCK
my mind is continuously blown
it was your brain that created this symbol of feeling
and i feel it ...

i feel it

it pulses strong
it pulses stronger now

the words
feelings
imaginary and real

12/17/13

a blank
young man
none assumes

and there
a story
in lines
beneath the eye

struggle solipsism

and the question
the question
the question

what is the question

we all are searching
we are all searching?

am i searching for
some
thing

some

that cant be found
cant
cannot be found

are we all searching
struggling

are we hiding

is it just me
is it just me

when you blow yr whistle, blow it loud

cool breeze over the water. bow pointed not so meaningfully towards an unknown destination. passengers asleep in a euphoric haze.

connecting dots, the sum total of her existence. she's only awake. she only is waking. her awakening.

hours passing, sunrise. an interlude to the wandering, a prelude to the wondering.